This whole MCR split has been an absolute fiasco to say the least. The band's tendency to be quite vague, plus a few tweets by various other celebrities that could have been a little bit clearer worded (looking at you, Mat Devine), has led to this whole mess of rumours going round.
The main one was that MCR had been dropped from their label, and forbidden to use their original name, and so were going to start again under a different band name. Sure, that would make sense, what with the band's tendency to assume new personas and that time they told everyone at concerts that The Black Parade would be performing instead of My Chemical Romance, and the alter-egos in Danger Days. However, look at it from a practical point of view - the name 'My Chemical Romance' is the property of the band members, they came up with it and used that name before they were signed, Warner Bros. doesn't own it. Plus, why would they use a new name? A name with no reputation and therefore much less power over the press would be financially stupid.
Anyway, people were going absolutely mental, fans and celebrities alike. The Echelon (Thirty Seconds To Mars fanbase) is being very kind and the model of a good fanbase, and offering the MCRmy their very-much-needed comfort and support. Kerrang! magazine were doing hourly updates on what appeared to be happening and what information they could find - really, they took it worse than a lot of us did.
This eventually provoked a tweet from Mikey, the ex-bassist, "For the record, my relationship has absolutely nothing to do with what happened. They are completely separate" (if you're unaware, over the Christmas period he ditched his wife Alicia for this 19-year-old groupie - I could go into more detail, but I'm trying to stay away from rumour-mongering here). Now, people weren't really thinking that was the cause previously - we knew there were definitely tensions in the band because of it - but tweeting that is just a really daft idea, and a bit obnoxious really. However, let us at least credit him with being the first one from the band to actually speak about the break-up at all, apart from Gerard's cryptic "Beyond any sadness, what I feel is pride", and Frank's one from the night before; "Things that should be simple and easy rarely ever are." I retweeted that. I thought he was just saying it as a general thing . . . I didn't realise he was the harbinger of doom.
Then, we got Gerard's letter, in the form of an extended tweet that he posted at around midnight UK time. To give you the basic idea of what he says in it;
Gerard woke up the other day and decided that MCR was over, and this was confirmed to him via a poignant experience with a stupid bird. He then goes on to talk about the meaning of the band, and its fatalism, and being cryptic (we don't need you to tell us you have a tendency to be enigmatic, G, we can tell - it's probably the only obvious fact we have now). Then he goes on to actually indicate a time when he thought it had ended for him, after a gig in May 2012, when he realised that stage-Gerard was an act he was putting on. Then there's a bit about him going to get an amp off an old hippy, and how he's got it next to the old guitar he wrote Skylines and Turnstiles on. Then he finishes, and says the thank you that fans were looking for.
Reading over the letter again has changed my perspective on it, because I only read it once before this, when he first posted it. That time, I felt betrayed and quite hurt, I felt like I'd lost a lot of respect for Gerard as a person because of how he's handled this whole thing. I felt like it was a half-arsed effort at making up for that paragraph we got, and he was trying to lose us all in his deep metaphors and Meaningful Experiences.
But this time, with a clearer head, I feel better about it. Knowing what I and much of the fanbase know about Gerard's history, I suppose it's not surprising that he's reacted so awkwardly to this event. I have a habit of resorting to melodramatic narrative to explain things that are difficult, because it makes it easier to say. It must have been so much easier, and I don't mean easier as in 'less effort', I mean easier on his mind, to write those little goodbyes in between all that other bullshit. It's like creating a distraction so you can slip away before anybody notices what you're doing. Saying goodbye to MCR has got to be hard on him, too.
However, some things haven't changed from my first reading of it. Firstly, what happened to the rest of the band? Why is there no mention of him consulting the other members of the band, where is their input into this decision?
Secondly, there's this bit:
"All that was left was the voice inside, and I could hear it clearly. It didn't have to yell - it whispered, and said to me briefly, plainly, and kindly - what it had to say.
What it said is between me and the voice.
I ignored it, and the following months were full of suffering for me - I hollowed out, stopped listening to music, never picked up a pencil, started slipping into old habits. All of the vibrancy I used to see became de-saturated. Lost. I used to see art or magic in everything, especially the mundane - the ability was buried under wreckage.
Slowly, once I had done enough damage to myself, I began to climb out of the hole. Clean."
It's this section that worries me, because again - knowing Gerard's history as I and others do, this has more significance than vague rambling. This sounds like an attack of depression to me, and I think this is one of the few times where I will say that I know what the fuck I'm talking about. The loss of creativity, the emptiness, the ability to see beauty 'lost under wreckage'. It's the 'slipping into old habits' part that worries me a lot, too. Now, I'm sure that, now his family and friends are aware of his problems and are there to help him, he can stay away from some of his more dangerous habits, but can you blame me for being a bit concerned for a guy who is a former alcoholic and hard drug user? (here is a clip of some of his . . . moments that were caught on LOTMS) It's easy enough to stay away from things like that when you're happy, but conversely, when you're feeling like dirt, it's easy enough to start doing them again because they're the quickest way to blot things out, and quick fixes feel the best.Anyway, I digress. My point there is that that sounds more like Gerard right at the beginning of the band, the confusion and loss of purpose. We could be right back at square one here, in which case I'd say he needs the band. The band saved his life, not just a load of other people's. Sure, maybe he was feeling lost about the music, maybe they all were, but that's fine - no matter what the fucking label might say about what you have to do, it's the fans who're buying your music and your merch, and MCR fans will wait forever. We'd wait a decade for an album they really felt good about, over getting an album after a year that they hadn't given their all.
I think I feel better about the break-up now, though. A little bit, at least. I'm still not sure what I want to do about the posters on my walls, but I feel less of an impulsive urge to rip them down, because I know I'll regret it. I am deeply saddened, and always will be, that my favourite band has split up and I'll never get to see them perform, because that was on my bucket list, but I'm not as furious with them now as I was earlier. It's because of them that I got into all of the other music that I'm into now - that I've found music and bands that I really, really love, as opposed to just like. They've broken my heart, but they've managed to equip me with the tools I need to get over this.
Tacky as it may be, I feel like the best end to this post would be the end of Gerard's letter:
"In closing, I want to thank every single fan. I have learned from you, maybe more than you think you've learned from me. My only regret is that I am awful with names and bad at goodbyes. But I never forget a face, or a feeling - and that is what I have left from all of you.
I feel love.
I feel love for you, for our crew, our team, and for every single human being I have shared the band and stage with -
Ray. Mikey. Frank. Matt. Bob. James. Todd. Cortez. Tucker. Pete. Michael. Jarrod.
Since I am bad with goodbyes, I refuse to let this be one. But I will leave you with one last thing -
My Chemical Romance is done. But it can never die.
It is alive in me, in the guys, and it is alive inside all of you.
I always knew that, and I think you did too.
Because it is not a band -
it is an idea.
Love,
Gerard."
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